Parenthood and Marriage

Did you know that 69% of new parents experience conflict, disappointment and hurt feelings in their marriages and that time and time again research has shown a large decrease in marital satisfaction when children join a family?

Perhaps what makes these statistics so troubling are the implications that come along with them. Studies show that marital conflict leads to cognitive, social, academic, and psychological function of children involved. Marital conflict also negatively effects family functioning, parenting ability, sibling relationships of children involved, and increases the chance of physical and sexual abuse of children. Something must be done about this problem. While you may not be able to change the world, you can play your part by making your own marriage better, and in turn, helping your child to succeed in all areas of life.

Below are some research based suggestions on how to keep your marital relationship strong despite the stresses and strain of raising children.


1. Remain conscious of your partners needs and do your best to fulfill them. Just because there are children involved, remember that your spouse has needs too. Make the time and effort to fulfill these for each other.

2. Do not become complacent. Do not let your marriage coast along without nourishment. If you are not progressing, you are going backward. Constantly work and make an effort at bettering your martial relationship.

3. Pay a little less attention to your kids and a little more to your spouse. This seems strange. Our kids need our constant attention. However, what you may not realize is how important it is for your children to see you love your spouse. This is how they learn to love in a healthy way. Pay attention to and love your spouse as much as possible.

4. Make time for just the two of you. Date each other again. Set a time aside each week that just the two of you can be together, uninterrupted to refresh and nourish your marriage.

5. Be a little more patient and understanding. You may feel like you've had a horrible day and expect your wife or husband to give you a break. However, consider what their day may have been like and be a little kinder. Understand what your spouse is going through and be empathetic.

6. Remember the little things. Do small, easy things to remind your spouse that you love them and are thinking of them. Send them a text during the day. Add a note in their lunch. Fill their car up with gas. All of these things are small and simple but mean a lot.


Last, but not least, it is  important to remember that YOU do not have to be a statistic. You and your spouse can overcome the difficulties associated with parenthood and marriage. As the great Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."



We love your comments, questions, and ideas! What do your and your spouse do to improve your marital relationship despite the stresses of parenting? What improvements can you make in this area? Share other ideas for keeping your marriage strong.


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Cummings, E. & Davies, P. (2002). The effects of marital conflict on children: Recent advancements and emerging themes in process-oriented research. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 43 (1), 31-63. 

Kohler, H.-P., Behrman, J. R. and Skytthe, A. (2005). Partner + children = happiness? The effects of partnerships and fertility on well-being. Population and Development Review, 31, 407–445. 

 Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K. and Foster, C. A. (2003). Parenthood and marital satisfaction: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65, 574–583.