How Do You View Your Teen?

Alright parents, prepare for some introspection and some homework with this topic!

When you think of your teen:

• What are the first 3 characteristics that come to mind? 
•  What are the first 3 emotions that you feel in regards to your teen? 

Were those feelings and attributes positive, negative, or in between? We hope you view your teen in a positive light! But if you found yourself struggling to think positively about your teen, hopefully some of these exercises can help!

Check out this powerful insight from a parent-teen program called Parent-Teen Empathy Enhancement Process (P-TEEP):

“A significant aspect of the lack of involvement between parents and teenagers results from a lack of understanding and appreciation that each has for the other. Although parents may strongly desire to maintain contact with their emerging adolescents, unless some vehicle is created that will stimulate involvement, each party may continue to withdraw from the other. Adolescents want parents to demonstrate a "sympathetic attitude toward their problems and a tolerance toward their mood swings and occasional backslides toward childhood" (Elkind, 1971, p. 94). Research findings have demonstrated that empathic responses from parents create a healthy atmosphere with teenagers (Carstensen, 1987, Frederickson & Carstensen, 1990)” (Hawes, 1996).

Cool stuff, right? Basically, if parents are able to muster up some empathy and tolerance with their teen, a healthy and positive atmosphere will be created. That sounds really great, but how do parents gain empathy and tolerance for their teen to see them in a positive light? How about we start with seeing how well you know your teenager. How can you have empathy and tolerance if you do not know your teenager very well?

Take this little quiz and score yourself after:

1. Who is your adolescent's best friend?
2. What color would your adolescent like her/his room to be?
3. Who is your adolescent's greatest hero?
4. What embarrasses him/her most?
5. What is her/his greatest fear?
6. In gym, would your adolescent rather play basketball, do exercises, run relays, or not participate?
7. Who is her/his favorite recording artist?
8. What person in the family has the most influence in your adolescent's life?
9. What are his/her favorite and least favorite subjects in school?
10. Of what accomplishment is your adolescent most proud?
11. What is your adolescent's biggest complaint about the family?
12. What is his/her favorite television show?
13. If you could buy your adolescent anything in the world, what would be his/her first choice?
14. What really makes your adolescent angry?
15. Does your adolescent feel liked by her/his peers?
16. What does your adolescent want to be when he/she becomes an adult?
17. What has been the biggest disappointment in your adolescent's life this year?
18. Does your adolescent feel too small or too big for her/his age?
19. What gift from you does your adolescent most cherish?
20. What would be your adolescent's choice for a vacation?
21. What is her/his favorite family occasion?
22. What nicknames is your adolescent called in school?
23. When does your adolescent prefer to do homework?
24. Which would your adolescent prefer as a pet: a cat, dog, bird, or fish?
25. What is your adolescent's most prized possession?

Scoring. Ask your adolescent to go over your answers. Give yourself one point for each correct answer. If you score between 21 and 25, you are very observant, sensitive, and listen to the likes of your adolescent. If you score between 11 and 20, you know quite a bit about your adolescent, but could improve. Scores between 0 and 10, you and your adolescent haven't been communicating as much as you could, and you may not have paid as close attention as you could. If you are unhappy with your score consider what you can do to improve your relationship.
(Bailey, 1981)


How did you do? Do you have some areas to improve in how you view your teen? Think creatively and consider ONE way you can improve your relationship with your teen today!


We welcome your comments and participation below:

Why is it important to get to know your teen in order to have empathy and tolerance?

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Bailey, J. (1981, May). How well do you know your child? Home Life, 48.

Carstensen, L. L. (1987). Age-related changes in social activity. New York: Pergamon.

Elkind, D. (1971). A sympathetic understanding of the child: Six to sixteen. Boston: Allyn & Bacon.

Fredrickson, B. L., & Carstensen, L. L. (1990). Choosing social partners: How old age and anticipated endings make people more selective. Psychological Aging, 5, 335-347.

Hawes, D. J. (1996). Who knows who best: A program to stimulate parent–teen interaction. School Counselor, 44(2), 115-121.