What Type of Parent are You?

So maybe you have heard something here and there about “parenting styles” and what is the “best” for your child’s well-being. But where did these ideas about parenting come from?

Many of these ideas on parenting styles originated with Diana Baumrind and her study and definition of parenting styles way back in 1966!

As a parent of an adolescent or teen, you are probably well-aware that your child is increasingly desiring more independence, control, power, and freedom in their lives. This is where parenting styles really start to matter! Not only is it important to be consistent in the way that you parent, but that you are parenting in a way that will bring long-term strength and happiness in your relationship with your child.

Let’s look at the different types of parenting that various researchers have defined. Sometimes there are different terms and categories used, but you can get the overall gist of what these kinds of parents are like. We will mainly discuss the four most commonly referenced parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglecting. There are two variables that are used to help categorize these styles: warmth (responsiveness, acceptance) and control (demandingness).

There are many great sites that explain these styles in more detail, such as devpsy.org/teaching/parent/baumrind_styles.html, but here we will mainly use phrases that may be heard from parents to their teen to get a feel for how these different environments and relationships are.

1. Authoritative (High warmth; High control)

• “I love you and respect your interests.” 
• “That is an interesting way of looking at that rule, here is what I intended it to be.” 
• “I know you are disappointed, but this is the reason I am concerned about that activity.” 
• “I see your point, maybe we can make a list of pros and cons to this decision.” 
• “I really want you to have fun tonight, but I am very concerned about how it will impact your test performance tomorrow. What do you think is best in this situation?” 

2. Authoritarian (Low warmth: High control)

• “That was the rule that we set and because you disobeyed, it will cost you.” 
• “Don’t argue with me. I’ve made up my mind and you are not allowed to go to the activity.” 
• “Why do you always try and push your opinion. I am the parent and I will make the decision.” 
• “I don’t want to hear your excuse for being late. You are grounded." 

3. Permissive (High warmth; Low control)

• “I have a lot of years of experience, let me know if you ever want some advice.” 
• “It’s up to you to schedule out your week, I won’t control you.” 
• “I’d like you to try and do the dishes every now and then if it works with your schedule.” 
• “You really want to go to that party don’t you? Well, I guess it’s your decision.” 

4. Neglecting (Low warmth; Low control)

• Neglect is not truly a parenting style, but more like the lack of parenting. 

Obviously Authoritative parenting is the style that best benefits the child’s well-being and outcome. The child is more likely to have a happy attitude, self-confidence in capabilities, and developed emotional regulation and social skills. Doesn’t that sound great?!

Take a look at this chart and find out where you fit best. Or take a parenting style quiz here: http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=3261








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Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development, 37(4), 887.

Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). Socialization in the context of the family: Parent-child interaction. Handbook of Child Psychology. 4, 1–101.. New York: Wiley.