Brick by Brick: Building a Relationship with your Teen

                                 
When was the last time you surprised your teenager by doing something different, special, or out of the ordinary to strengthen your relationship with them? Your relationship with your teenager will take effort, time, energy, creativity, and positivity. Like building a house, you must create a strong foundation and then start building up—brick by brick! It is amazing how the small and simple things can eventually amount to something really spectacular. Your relationship with your teen can be strengthened and improved TODAY if you start with the little things that will make a BIG difference.

In this post you will find a few different ideas to get you brainstorming on ways to connect and bond with your teen in ways that you may not have considered before. Remember, you know your teen best, so be aware of the ways they will most appreciate your love being expressed. Consider Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages: words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality time, and service.

Affirmation:

• Write a letter to your teen about your hopes for them, what you admire about them, what you hope for your relationship with them, and what you are working on to strengthen your relationship daily.
• Connect online with your teen through their various social media accounts. Make positive comments and praise them openly. Social networking with children is associated with increased connection, which then mediates behavioral outcomes including higher prosocial behavior and lower relational aggression and internalizing behavior (Coyne et al., 2014).
• Let sticky notes become your new best friend in showing appreciation for the little things your teen does (or doesn’t) do. Stick them on their mirror, their books, their door etc.

Gifts:

• Pick up their favorite treat the next time you fill up your gas tank or go grocery shopping.
• Ask them about their different activities and hobbies and offer to buy or repair something that they have worn down because they use it so much. Example: if your teenage son loves to play the guitar, ask him if his guitar strings are worn out and need to be replaced or if it needs a tune-up.

Physical touch:

• Be within a close proximity and make eye contact when talking to your teen to show that you are there for them.
•  If you know your teen is a hugger, don’t shy away from giving them a quick hug or nudge at any opportunity.

Quality time:

• Discover a common interest that both of you can enjoy once a week together. Example: you both enjoy playing with the family dog, so whenever the dog needs a walk you and your teen go together.
• Make family mealtime a priority!!! Frequent family meals are associated with better family relationships, higher well-being levels, lower depression levels, and fewer risk-taking behaviors (Utter et al., 2013).

Service:

• Ask your teenager what day is their busiest day of the week and be sure to do something extra for them that day. Consider letting them off the hook for their chores that day.
•  Observe and be attentive to your teenager’s likes and dislikes. Make sure to take extra consideration for their wants and needs during the week. Example: you notice your teen really dislikes matching and folding his socks, so every few loads you decide to match and fold his socks for him.

This is just a starting point to decide what materials you want and need to build a great foundation and relationship with your teenager. Happy building!






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Coyne, S. M., Padilla-Walker, L. M., Day, R. D., Harper, J., & Stockdale, L. (2014). A friend request from dear old dad: Associations between parent–child social networking and adolescent outcomes. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 17(1), 8-13. doi:10.1089/cyber.2012.0623

Utter, J., Denny, S., Robinson, E., Fleming, T., Ameratunga, S., & Grant, S. (2013). Family meals and the well‐being of adolescents. Journal of Pediatrics and Child Health, 49(11), 906-911. doi:10.1111/jpc.12428